The thick accent made it feel more divine or something. I don’t know. In a loving way he held out his hands and said: “A littttttttle bebe is a gift from God…and why would you DENY a gift from God?”
My eyes welled up, and a knot formed in my throat, and at the same time I wanted to kick him in the shins! BECAUSE WE ARE NOT READY! Like, not ready for that kinda stuff yet. Kids look like A LOT of work. A LOT OF WORK. So much work that women quit their jobs to stay home and take care of them.
I thought I would let you in on a little more personal topic… And I’m gonna come right out and say that *no* we are not pregnant. But I do have to say that the baby conversation HAS come up a lot lately, whether we’re ready for it or not. And AHH that makes me so scared. A good and bad kind of scared. I can’t help but see it as a sign! As of lately I’ve gone to baby showers, read touching blog posts, and even had a good friend from another country give us a whole lecture about it, hence the thick accent.
Our dear friend explained that he feels like he wasted his life focusing on his career and getting 3 Masters (that don’t really matter in the grand scheme of things) instead of having children when he was younger in age. He feels that he’s now too old to run and play with his youngest daughter, and that makes him very sad. Because she deserves more! Our conversation brought a different perspective for me. I was very thankful for his honesty and for sharing his heart. I know he was doing it in love because he cares.
You see the thing is… I love my job, I love design, I love the people I get to work with, I love dreaming, I love traveling, and I just don’t feel like my business is set up yet for me to be gone for 20 years… Ya know? I guess I just don’t feel like my ducks are in a row yet.
Since that conversation I have realized that my heart has been selfish, prideful and even perhaps focused on things that don’t really matter! A hard but exciting realization.
I definitely want to except the gift from God if he chooses to gift us with a baby at some point. Brian and I would love it! And we would be VERY THANKFUL. But I know it’s no guarantee becuase a baby is truly a gift, and all of that is in God’s hands. It would be a new adventure and another chapter. And it would be really good for us. Ultimately I want to spent my time and my life on things that matter. Period!
For those moms that have careers, passions, and families… HOW DO YOU DO IT?!?!?!? Fill a sista in! I’m serious here. I want to know. What is your perspective?
(Photos by Andria Lindquist when Parker was a small pup)