Conferences are refreshing, enlightening, and inspiring. You leave with that extra kick in your step to jump start that next project you have been waiting to do…BUT THEY CAN BE SOOO AWKWARD too. Or at least I can be. Okay, maybe it’s just me. I am the Queen of Awkward. My small talk conversations usually go as follows. ME: “Hi, how are you?” THEM: “Good. How are you?” ME: “Good, good…How are you?” THEM: “Great” haha. I even joke with friends that whenever I feel alone and awkward at a party I walk around the room like I am looking for someone…then when I see someone I know…blurt out “Oh there you are” (Like I have been looking for them the whole time..haha). JK.
I know it sounds really silly but I have been working on my less-awkward-self in social situations. And when I was at Altitude Summit this past week I took a few notes and set out to work on them. I am still a work in MAJOR progress let me tell ya. That being said, I am taking a different spin on What I Learned at Altitude Summit then I did last year (which was quite good if I may say so myself). This time I have decided to share a few tips for Less-Awkward-Situations For The Hermit Artist. haha. Am I a goof for having this? I think so.
SMILE & WALK AROUND LIKE YOU OWN THE PLACE (IN A GOOD WAY)
I think it starts with a joyful, approachable spirit, and self confidence. Be thankful you are there. And take a genuine interest in other people. People love to be around comfortable & safe people. So put your shoulders back and feel comfortable in your own skin.
VENTURE OUTSIDE OF YOUR CIRCLE OF FRIENDS
Last year I went to Alt…kind of by myself. And because of that I had a lot of time venturing out on my own. I actually found that I met MORE people last year than I did this year with friends. Even though your friends are fun…don’t be afraid to go places like this by yourself…because when you are alone…you meet other people quicker…because well…you don’t want to be alone.
MAKE THE INTRODUCTION
Waiting for the other person to make the first move can be a silly and an uncomfortable game. So make it easier on the other person and step out and be the first to say HI. Being the first to jump on this will also give you more self confidence in the conversation. After a few of these…It will become easier and easier to meet new people.
GIVE A COMPLIMENT
Compliment the other person if it feels right and appropriate. Compliments really disarm an uncomfortable situation. It elevates the other person and shows that you are taking an interest in them in a small and simple way.
TAKE A COMPLIMENT
If someone says “I love your work”, “I love reading your blog”, or even “I like your shoes”…look them in the eyes and say “THANK YOU” with a sincere spirit. There is nothing more uncomfortable than you responding back with “noo…oh no”. haha. Because then that person has to say “Oh yes!! No seriously, Yes”…”oh no”…”oh yes” etc. SO just say “THANK YOU” and really take it to heart. Give yourself a bonus point of confidence for the night. They wouldn’t say it if they didn’t mean it.
BE A *GREAT* LISTENER
If the conversation starts to have a lull, ask them some questions and really care about their answers. People LoOOOVe talking about themselves. It’s what they know A LOT about. Look them in the eyes and not around the room. It will make it easier to engage with them if you make an effort to really care.
HELP MAKE A DECISION
Where there’s a lot of unsure people in the room…there’s a lot of indecisiveness. THEM: “Where do you want to go to dinner?” YOU: “I don’t know…Where do you want to go to dinner?” THEM: “I don’t know”…Well what do you feel like?” YOU: “I don’t know…what do you feel like?” See where this is going??! AWKWARD AGAIN!!!! If someone asks you something, think about it and give a few answers or choices. Something like: “Well, I always love mexican or Italian food. OR I saw a restaurant on the corner, maybe we can go there.” You would be surprised. I know you want to please the other person…and you can…but people are LOOKING and longing for someone to make the decision. Why not you?
Ever felt awkward at an event? What are your tricks? OH yea..P.S. I had the most UN-AWKWARD roomies ever. Kirsten Grove, Liz Grant, and Jasmine Star. Very inspiring and fun women that make conferences like this SOOOO much fun!
+ - 24 comments
Maris Cavazos - Awesome post! Totally have that awkward social problem ALL THE TIME! Great tips, I plan to use them next time in an environment like these.
Anda - Love this! Totally spoke to my introvert heart <3
Jillian - Love this post (which posts do I not love?! Haha. None.)! I’m working on this too. It’s definitely hard, especially when I’m in an intimidating situation – it can get scary! But, I almost alllwaaays use the compliment trick (inevitably because I always find something I like that someone else is wearing so it’s pretty easy to be sincere about it!). It really works. People are usually surprised in a good way & it can be a good conversation starter.
Thanks for sharing momma.
xx. Jillian
The New Diplomats Wife - great post and i totally agree. i went to alt by myself this year, and ended up having a great time and meeting people but it was definitely tough, that first day especially. it can definitely be intimidating but if you take the time to get out of your comfort zone while still being rewarding, it can also be really rewarding. looking forward to seeing you (and your hair
) next year!
Seth Willey - Love the advice! It’s solid and very helpful, especially for this awkward guy right here! Thanks for helping me know I’m not alone! I just audiobooked the best book about personal social interaction called “How to make people like you in 90 seconds or less” by neurolinguistics expert Nicholas Boothman (a former Vogue fashion photog in a past life). It’s a quick and smooth listen and super insightful about this idea of synchronizing with your conversation partner. A friend and I both have already had great results trying out the tips! Thanks so much for posting.
Melissa Jill :) - I’M SO BUMMED I missed it!!! I need to hear all your inspirational take-aways
. Haha — you are hilarious and I love that you did this post. Totally cracked up at this: “whenever I feel alone and awkward at a party I walk around the room like I am looking for someone…then when I see someone I know…blurt out “Oh there you are” (Like I have been looking for them the whole time..haha).” Sara just turned and asked me if I was ok because I was laughing out loud a 2nd TIME 
. xoxo
Belinda - I cracked up at your first paragraph because I’ve been known to do the same thing!
Great Share Promise! I’ll have to put these suggestions to use next time I find myself all alone!
Jen - Love this! It’s always nice to have a list of reminders for us slightly-awkward-artistic-types. (It’s also nice to be reminded lots of artists feel this way. haha) Networking is a pain, but it’s soooo integral in this business… I guess we all just have to be intentional about not feeling awkward.
Thanks for the post!
Stephenie Zamora - Great tips Promise! I am definitely awkward at events too… but confidence and being open and friendly is huge! And QUESTIONS. Asking lots of questions about people gets them talking and talking = less awkward.
Annie - I am a pretty shy person, I get unsecure in big groups of people. I don’t know what to say, when I speak up it’s either embarrassing, dull, or a conversation killer, but most of the time I am just to quiet that when I do speak up, no one hears me, so I start a sentence about 5 times before I get to finish my story, but by that time they’re all onto a different story, so it’s embarrassing, dull and a conversation killer. Haha!
A tip that I’m SLOWLLY learning is to watch and listen to other people. Watch the confident ones, what they do, how they do it. And listen REALLY closely to the people who start conversations with me or with the group. How do they start talking? What are they talking about? How do they get everyone else to engage?
jamie delaine - you’re too cute. love hearing this from you, one introvert to another.
Paloma - It is SO comforting to hear amazing, talented people share things like this! I think it’s so easy to feel like the only dorky artsy kid in the room, even when you’re surrounded by them. We’re all dorks, we’re all kinda shy, let’s just know that and be friends! haha. I so appreciate all of your work, style, and insight. Keep it up!
Jamie Wyckoff - ha. Promise, loved this. Small talks usually gets the best of me…good little tips! Cheers to overcoming awkwardness or at least workin at it. : )
Michelle - hey, I thought you did great! A few times during the parties I tried my hardest not to slink down into my phone like a loser.
Oh, and the walk around pretending to look for someone, yea, I think we’ve all done that at least once during the last 4 days. ha.
Sara Nevels - Because I heard Melissa laughing so hard earlier, I just HAD to come read this post!…Although, I read your blog all the time, haha. But seriously, you are too funny!! It has taken me a long time to get beyond some of these same issues too. Haven’t quite overcome them just yet since they still paralyze me more often than I’d like. Your tips are super helpful, and will definitely do the trick. I would LOVE to attend this conference next year. Between your post and Alex’s, it sounds like SO much fun!
Kristin Moon Thomson - I can’t wait to go to Alt next year! I’ll have to put some of your tips to use. It is SO intimidating walking into a room full of people you don’t know. But more than likely, they’re feeling the same way too!
Kelli - I am SOOO going with you next year and will be just as awkward by your side! haha! By the way, I’ve never thought of you as awkward….at all. I guess we are all our own worst critic. Me on the other hand….SUPER awkward! haha! Love ya girl.
Emily - Not a goof at all! Excellent topic and excellent tips. When in these type of situations (which can basically be anytime you leave the house) it’s important to remember that you are not the only one who feels alone. I always have to remind myself of that. It’s so easy to think that you are the only one who is lost/uncomfortable/nervous/friendless at an event…but you’re not! Such a great reminder – thank you!
Nubbytwiglet.com » Blog Archive » Link Love: 1.26.12 - [...] • I’ve been loving the variety of recaps from the Alt Summit. My three favorites are by Gala, Bri and Promise! [...]
Finds of the Week | Seek Shangrila – the blog of Jennifer Zalewski - [...] Tips for the Awkward, Hermit Artist – This article by Promise Tangeman (who’s blog and designs I recently discovered and am loving) offers tips on stepping out of your comfort zone and networking. It’s also nice to be reminded there are other artists out there who feel a bit awkward in situations on their own. [...]
inspired : 1.29.12 | beka stays - [...] of my life: tips for socially awkward party goers from promise tangeman and jasmine [...]
Julene - How funny, thanks for the tips. When I was considering going to Jasmine Star’s The FIX I was thinking, hmmm…I hope I’m not awkward there!:)
Danica Donnelly - A good reminder to me, the introvert. And I know my heart feels freer and happier when I do the things you mentioned!
canon bey - sometimes i stay on the phone longer just bc i cant figure out how to say bye & hang up. it always seems like when two people are trying to get around one another yet it ends up more as a dance. I have hung up on some very lovely people but then they call back bc they think the connection was dropped. i try to stick to texting/email.